Green Olives

They are so absolutely delicious, I can not even describe them to you.

Especially when eaten with French Onion soup.

I'm rather dissapointed with myself this morning.

I let someone walk all over me last night,

Then forgave him instantly.

It shouldn't matter how much I absolutely adore him.

He shouldn't be able to make me feel bad.

Right?

What can I say, except that I don't know where I'm going.
What is the point to this highly pointless life?
At this time, mass suicide seems a good option.
No sadness or pain, only the general ending of all things.
Perhaps in the afterlife, pain is only an inconsequential part of the existance that is not quite life,
As it is not quite death,
As it is an uncomfortable median between the two.
Perhaps joy is kin to the ripping and tearing that is an animal attacking my heart.
Ripping it to absolute bloody, messy shreds.
This animal is something sometimes known as loss, sometimes known as brokeness, but it does not appear publicly under these names.
No, the alias for this terrible beast is this.
Love.
Ah, love.
The pounding heart, the nauseau, the rising of the bile, your lunch floating high atop it like a pirate at his post.
The whisper and synchronization of lips moving together.
The days and days of endless work under the boiling sun, working together for one greater cause, for one greater good, building and building upon a building that will never be finished, until one day...
Work slows. The two that became one begin to seperate at the seams, and the building ages.
And then it tumbles.
Swiftly, violently, crashing to the ground, bleeding it's mortar onto the ground.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the emptiness in your chest after the fatal words fall from his pale lips,
Like daggers, attacking and stabbing in every direction, each one hitting it's mark.
Bullseye.
The undying pain.
And so we are here, in this middle land.
Praying for death, so we do not have to endure one more minute in this mire.

I really wish I could stab the soup kitchen in the face. This is incredibly stupid, but still true. I don't really feel like writing about it. Just know that I will prove you wrong, you little inbreds. I WILL prove you wrong.

Owl City? Why yes! Today was both a bad and good day. Church wasn't technically very nice, but it never is. I just sat on the floor and stuck one thousand three hundred and two holes in a piece of green paper. My mom and I went to lunch on our own, because my dad went out with Daniel. My mom and I decided to go to this cute little Chinese place that we used to go to every Sunday when I was little. I had Spicey Chicken, and it was really delicious. They had this green Oo-Long tea or what not that they served in little cups, and I drank it with too much sugar like I always did. The moving pictures in that little resteraunt have always fascinated me, I could look at them for hours. I wish I would have taken my camera with me, but I didn't.

After lunch, my mother purchased me two different sizes of gauges, tens and eights. I have one of the tens in now, just waiting to get up the courage to shove in the other. It hurts quite badly, actually, more than you would assume, to put a plug into a slightly too small hole. Perhaps I'm just a baby, but it does hurt!

My mom and I went to the mall then. I got a new pair of pants that are truly the most wonderful piece of fabric that I have ever laid my eyes on. They are fantastic, and I doubt I will ever be taking them off again. I might even sleep in them, you never know. In case you were wondering, those pair of legs above are mine. It's strange to me that I look short even with four inch heels on. Odd. I got those heels today, too. You can't really see them in the photograph, but they're fantastic, you bet.

I'm currently munching on a small mound of Toblerone Honey and Almond Nougat milk chocolate. Perhaps Valentine's day wouldn't be so bad if it always yielded this kind of rewards.

Sitting in Kateri's van is probably one of the most relaxing things I've ever done. It smells like wet clothing, plastic, and skittles. Once, we found an X-Large Tye Dye Pink Floyd T-shirt in a snow bank at Taco Bell, and we picked it up and put it in her car. Never mind that someone used it to pick up dog poo. Her mom washed it, and I don't know what happened to it, but I really thought that was interesting. I probably love that girl more than I love anything else in the world.

We went into town today, which means crossing state line. I absolutely adore crossing state lines, especially this one, because I know exactly where it is. If you want to, you can stand with one foot in Idaho, and one foot in Washington. That's a really strange feeling, because even thought you are still in one piece, you are in two places at once. The easiest way to do this would be to stand in the middle of the road, otherwise you have to go a little bit into the woods. But I'm going to do it one day.

For some reason, I was thinking about growing up today. I was talking to Kateri about it. Getting older is truly wonderful, but it's a little odd when you can tangibly feel yourself aging. A few weeks ago, I found a wrinkle on my forehead, and it wasn't from sleeping. My bangs cover it up most of the time, but it's still there. I still feel young inside. Like, really young. Six or seven years old. I guess I've just got to accept that there is absolutely nothing I can do to change the fact that my litte wrinkle is going to get bigger.